Since it has been over a month since my last post, i concede to my inner writer the battle of initiative, however i retain the rights to spelling that my fingers will never be able to relinquish.  In other words, i've gotten off my lazy ass (actually, i'm sitting on said subject) to update my journal.  I have returned to the United States of America.  My first food: Wendy's bacon classic in ATL Int'l.  First drink, Dr. Pepper, followed closely by a cold Budweiser at the bar while waiting for my rain delayed flight to Columbus.  I don't fit in anymore.  I'm inherently a different person than when i left.  Nothing here has changed, everyone is the same, and they expect the same from me, but i am not the same; i'm travelled.  It puts a different perspective in the mind of a man who left to find the world much bigger than he dreamed of, to find comfort in the unknown, and to become a man, not in some physical sense but more aware of my self.  I found love for others, and love from others, when i least diserved it, i had it the most.  My Costa Rican family adopted me, and i felt as a true son of my mother.  She will always hold as special place in my heart.  My entire experience in Costa Rica will do the same.  God knows i want to go back, i'm already tired of the monotony of Columbus, MS.  I want to drink til 1am, dance til 4, with friends who enjoy the same, in a culture that embraces the night owl.  I am a puzzle piece lost and returned, but i don't fit completely in the hole i left.  At least i don't feel so..those around know no difference.  It is not an outward change, but inward.  Damnit i want them to notice.  I'm much more of a mature person.  I've seen things and been privy to things foreign. 

Today i'm up late, working the same place i worked last summer-Kerr McGee.  I'm working on C shift, which means Monday through Wednesday 6:30am to 6:30pm.  Friday through Monday i work 6:30pm to 6:30am, then i'm off until the following Monday at 6:30am.  Twelve hour days are long and hard, it leaves no time for self in the morning or in the evening.  I come home, eat, watch some tv, and go to sleep.  That said, i enjoy my "long" break tremendously.  It gives me time to take a vacation, since i'm not allocated paid days of leave.  I will not be in band in the fall, a relief i've been looking forward to for some time.  My brother and I are thinking to start a business this fall in Oxford painting parking lots.  We've both had experience, he more than I, in this line of work, and can make more money working for ourselves than some crappy job waiting tables, though i would enjoy bartending.  We've been looking into the business aspect, such as licenseing and bonding, work permits, bid contracts, etc.  Taxes are a subject i'm not looking foward to delving into.  Still not sure what to name the business, but I think we can be successful, especially with my contacts through the Lafayette Fire Dept.

I've got two options for my next long break.  It is likely that i will stay in the state of Mississippi, but i might head to Georgia with my parents.  If i stay around here, i'm gonna head to oxford to drop some shit off at the Hall for my room, and head to Tunica with the Big Black Sexy Bitch to play some slots.

Recently i've rediscovered thoelogy and my enjoyment in its complexity.  I'm struggling with my association with the Episcopal Church of the United States, with its moral teachings or lack thereof.  What are my alternatives?  Roman Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy because I believe in the "one holy, catholic, apostolic church" and the 7 Ecumenical councils of the early church.  I will or should post in the future my musings on theology, and the great debate between Protestantism and Catholicism.  If it were a numbers battle, the Catholics would indeed win, especially if you take into account membership and endurance.  Do i still feel called to be a priest in the one holy, cahtolic, and apostolic church?  I think so, though some days i'm more sure than others, but my battle is with the flesh.  If the Catholic church allowed married clergy, i would have already swum the Tiber.  I do not believe myself to have the grace necessary to live a celibate life.  Once a man has experienced the gift that is a woman it is indeed difficult, arguable impossible to return to ignorant bliss.  I can say, now, with much clarity that moving farther along the Protestant slop away from Catholicism is not the road for me (nor would i suggest it to others, but that is a debate best left to people who understand and have a good grasp on theology in a face to face fashion).  Reading St. Augustine's Confessions give hope for a sinner like me. 

My fall back plan if i don't pursue the ministry will be law school, of which i have begun to prepare for the LSAT.

I'm gonna end this entry before i turn it into a book.  I will post entries in the future to further explore this internal theological debate as well as works from others who've exprience the same thing. 

Peace to those who care, and happiness to those who know no difference.